Character Qualities – Truth and Trust
Several of you have seen a shared Facebook post with a video of James. In this video (below) he explains at age 3 that he believes that he is a girl because Mommy told him he was a girl. She told him this because he likes girls and thinks they are pretty and thinks that playing nail polish is fun.
A great privilege and duty, I believe, we have as parents is to shape our children’s characters. Every question and interaction is a teachable moment.
My middle son, Patton, told me around age 3 (much like James in the video) that he liked girls and thought they were pretty. I told him, “That is wonderful! Boys should like girls and think they are pretty. What girls are you thinking of?” His first response was, “Mommy!!!” “Oh thank you so much!”, I said. “Girls love compliments. It is always nice to tell someone they are pretty. It makes them feel great!”
In that moment, I began to instill in him an instinctive consideration for the feelings of others. He (like James) also told me that he liked my fingernail polish and thought it was pretty and colorful. I thanked him again for the compliment! When he asked if he could have pretty colors on his fingers too, I gently told him, “polish is a special grown up mommy paint. It is very messy, wet and sticky at first and can damage furniture if you are impatient and don’t let it dry, but I will give you one sparkly magic finger if you can sit still long enough.” I put glitter polish on his pointer fingernail and he went around pointing and “magic-ing” everything around the house that day. It was great fun that sparked imagination. It also taught patience and caution to not damage the furniture.
I did not discourage him or tell him it was a “girl-thing”. A toddler is not motivated by gender when expressing what he finds attractive or interesting. What 3 year-old doesn’t like color and movement? The gender issue never entered my mind, because the person he is – is more important to me.
Ask anyone who knows him, my child is very boyish, some might say a little “rough and tumble” but he is also bright, imaginative, observant, has an eye for detail, loves colors and textures, is artistic, complimentary and kind. These are the qualities that will make him an excellent husband and father one day. He may be an artist, or a chef or a fashion designer or an architect with his appreciation of aesthetics. So many things I was able to encourage in him that have absolutely nothing to do with gender.
It is a great privilege to teach our children to become great people regardless of gender, and a great responsibility of a parent is to be trustworthy. It is so true that children believe what we as parents tell them. They expect and trust us to encourage them, support them, instill confidence in them and teach them truth.
They should be able to trust us. A child should never be lied to. He should be able to express his feelings, likes and dislikes without being labeled or forced into a gender role that he doesn’t really understand, especially at such an early age.
A God-given love for artistic, colorful, soft and beautiful things can be a marvelous trait in both boys and girls.
Can you imagine life if every little boy who told his mommy he liked girls and thought they were pretty was then required to dress as one and told by the person he trusts most that he is one?
A toddler will believe what his mommy says and when encouraged, will continue to do what brings him praise. Gender has absolutely nothing to do with a person’s character, qualities and temperament… the things we should praise, direct and encourage in our children.
“Start children off on the way they should go, and when they are old they will not turn from it.” Proverbs 22:6
~Sarah